and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
