By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
