well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
