Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
