dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
