ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
