i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
