some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
