I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just pee around me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
