Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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