He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
