I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
