I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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