No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
