I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
last night I used snow as a chaser
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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