Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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