I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The uberlube is also flammable
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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