He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
