Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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