Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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