I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
