Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
