She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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