wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
