dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
