Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
