I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
