i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
