i jhust puked up my retainher.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
