I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Enjoy the penises
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
