It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and she was petting her beer can
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
