So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
