**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
