you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
