i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
