it wasn't lemon gatorade
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
soo... how was my night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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