People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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