I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
