Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
