I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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