My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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