I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
