oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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