my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
