if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
