why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
