Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
