god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They took my balls.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
