I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
