She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
