It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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