he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
