There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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