Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
