Plan B is the new Plan A
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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