ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
