im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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