Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
