i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
